My Thoughts on the World

It's really bothering me that I feel uninformed despite the amount of time I spend on the internet. That said, and for no particular reason, I'd like to register my thuoghts on the following:

Hurricanes - To paraphrase Jon Stewart, God, what part of "God Bless America" aren't you getting? I've always been fascinated by the raw power of nature and I'll admit to a guilty sort of disappointment when Rita started to decrease in strength prior to making landfall. However, I am all set with the 2005 Hurricane season. The poor people of Louisianne need a break and the rest of us in the US needs a break.

Some part of me wants to tie this in to a larger disatisfaction with the way this country is being run, as if these storms wouldn't be so bad if McCain or Kerry was president, but that would be bullshit. The fact is you cant prepare for storms that huge and nasty hitting the same state in the same year. The shit is going to hit the fan in those instances. Add to that the stupidity of not doing more to protect New Orleans and this was bound to happen. That stupidity, BTW, was shared by Democrats and Republicans alike.

I've got some beefs with the cleanup and rescue efforts but when all is said and done, the lion share of damage to people and property was the result of things that would have haven't regardless of how efficient FEMA was. The looting made for great TV and some individual horror stories but the real damage was done by the hurricane and the broken dykes.

What good can come out of this? People will take Hurricanes a lot more seriously. The massive evacuation proved that. The evacution itself, which wasn't a catastrophe only because Rita weakened and spared the Houston area, could teach some valuable lessons. It takes more than the mayor saying, "Allright everyone, get the hell out of here." to make a successful evacuation.

What if Rita had made a direct hit? What if Rita had been a weak storm which strenthened suddenly before plowing into Houston? Either of those cases would have resulted in a disaster. The problem in these cases is convincing one group of people, those in low lying areas, to flee while convincing another group of people, those in more secure structures inland and at higher elevation to stay put. It always seems like the opposite happens.

A Bad Day

I hind myself a little disheartened and overwhelmed by things today. It's not easy having month old twins. It's also not easy being sick. It's also not easy having a full social calendar. It's also not easy having to work a 12 hour day. Combine all of that in a three day stretch and I've served myself a recipe for disaster.

This has certainly been one of the more unpleasant days I've had to deal with in a long time. My commitments to running and writing while still strong have been sorely tested. I was unable to pick up a pencil or lace up the running shoes this weekend while I was in CT for Megan's wedding. The fact that my allergies were going full tilt didn't help matters but that should have encouraged me to get my butt out of the house. What really held me back is that Danny was the maid of honor and I could leave my three kids with our friends who were putting us up for the weekend. I just couldn't ask them to deal with that when it was taking all hands on deck to keep the twins relatively settled with me there. I did have a wonderful time at the wedding but that wonderful time likely contributed a lot to me being sick as a dog right now.

Work is another story altogether. Long story short I'm fed up with it. I feel very strongly that every single hour I spent at work today was wasted. I didn't even accomplish anything that would help the company. This isn't because I'm lazy or I don't care. It's because the role I'm in contributes nothing to productivity or profitability. If I was a consultant looking for areas to cut, my role would be one of the first places I'd look. I make lots of charts and I'm sick of it.

I started this blog as an outlet for my more creative, heartfelt and occasionally off-the-wall thoughts. It's morphed into an outlet for my frustrations. It's hard to be creative when you're getting your ass kicked. Unfortunately that's the time when creativity is most required. So that's my rant for the day.

"Do you want to go for a walk?"
"No"
"Do you want to go running or exercise?"
"No"
"Do you want to play in the yard with Madeline?"
"No"
"Do you want to take care of Liam and/or Greg?"
"No"
"Do you want to write?"
"No"
"Do you want to do something constructive around the house?"
"No"
"What do you want to do then?!?"

"Nothing"

If this conversation was between my kids and I, and I was the one asking the questions. I'd be pissed beyond words. Unfortunately, this is the conversation that's been going on between me and myself and I'm disappointed. Sure I have excuses. The job is hard (it's only really hard one day in five), I'm doing a lot of exercising and I can only do so much (not lately) and last but not least the twins are so young and take a lot of my energy (the truth actually). So it's been a month and a half since I've written anything here. Not coincidentally, the twins are a month old. I could easily hide behind this excuse as the reason for my poor progress on my personal writing course. I could easily hide behind this as the reason why I've fallen behind on running. I could easily be mediocre for the rest of my life.

The fact is that I have had a lot on my plate and I will always have a lot on my plate because I've chosen to become a parent. I cant use that as a reason to avoid challenging myself though. So I'm throwing down the gauntlet. I'll redo my personal written class syllabus, call it a one-time twins adjustment. I'm going to select a race to train for. Then, I'm going to follow through on my commitments to myself. Because If I cant get it done now, then when? There will always be something family related taking up my time, there will always be something work related taking up my time. If I don't make time for my own personal goals then they aren't going to happen.

So what does this mean for me? It means a lot less choosing to do nothing. That means the time surfing the web at work has got to stop. It's absolutely killing me. I've never yet worked a job where I couldn't condense the required work enough to have ample free time on all but the most busy days. I've accomplished that with my current job as well. Now that I'm getting sleep at night again (thanks Liam and Greg, keep up the good work), I need to restart using that free time productively, for writing. The company will never hesitate to take useful family time away from me, I need to return the favor. It also means less video games at night. I've been pretty good in this regard but has more to do with necessity than virtue. Newborn twins really are high maintenance after all.

I don't want to sound too bad on myself about all this. I feel like I've been stuck someplace where there's only junkfood to eat and now I need to go on a diet, only a diet of the mind.