There's nothing like a nasty headache and a stuffy office to make me hate working. That was my story today, not a sob story by any stretch but disheartening all the same. It's one thing slogging through a day when I'm feeling OK. I work hard and do my best to keep a positive outlook even though I'm not exactly enamored with my job. It's quite another when I'm feeling like crap and just want to get the hell out of there. Then all the little things that I can brush off start to annoy the hell out of me. The loud office neighbor, the office instant messenger, the meaningless todo's, these are not things I can handle with a giant headache. I'm beginning to sound like a commercial for Advil of Tylenol, I guess I could have used some today.

Happy Father's Day to ... um ... me, I guess. Hard to believe I'm a dad, still harder to believe I'm about to become the father of three. Of course I'm excited, two little boys that I can try to pass along all I've learned to (have I learned anything?) is such a gift. At the same time I'm terrified. It's easy to imagine teaching 2 little boys to play catch, it's a great deal less comforting to imagine waking up in the middle of the night to two screaming babies and two dirty diapers. There were times, when Madeline was an infant, where I wasn't sure I could handle anymore now I'm going to have to endure that times two?

That's the key I guess, to endure, it won't be easy but fortunately nobody really judges infant care on artistic impression. It's all about technical merit. If I can help to make sure their basic needs are met and that they begin to grow up with a sense that I love them and that I've got their best interests at heart, then I'm doing all right. Well, that and make sure Madeline doesn't feel completely left out in the cold and that Danny and I stay as close as we've always been, oh and I don't lose my job/forget to pay the mortgage/etc. If I put it that way it sounds so easy, not. Just endure, and when enduring becomes easy then do better, thrive.

Something else I should add since I'm unburdened my soul to the internet. I left the Boston area four years ago. I'm the time that I've been gone, the Sox finally won the World Series and the Patriots have won 3 out of 4 Super bowls. Naturally, I'm extremely happy as a fan but as a superstitious fan I cant help but wonder, am I a walking jinx? Consider that no New York team has won anything since I've arrived in this state. So I ask you, should I take one for the team and forever banish myself from Massachusetts? I've actually submitted this question to the sports guy in the hopes of getting an official ruling on the topic. I don't think I would let it change any life decisions I might make. However, if I ever do move back to Boston, and the Pats revert to sucking and the Sox revert to their heartbreaking form of old, I will feel like an ass.

So this is my response to turning 30. As you can see by the name of this blog, I'm extremely optimistic about my life expectancy. Unfortunately, I'm less so about my prospects. I've come to a bit of a crossroads in my career and my place of residence. I've been working for a huge IT company in New York State for 2 years (gee guess which one). It hasn't sucked too much but it has the feel of one giant rut. Not much of anything in the way of raises and the prospect of the long messy slog to the top. That's if things go well. I imagine that if I stay there long enough my soul will abandon my body and I'll come to appreciate what a priviledge it is to work for this company.

So what do I do with that snazzy MBA I got for myself then? Suck it up and fight my way up the Giant IT Company corporate ladder? Search for greener pastures at another company? or say "screw the MBA" and do something completely different? I guess I'm open to suggestions, otherwise it would be silly to put this on the web.

My other issue is living in New York State. I grew up in Massachusetts, so I'm used to taxes, but New York has made clear to me what real taxation is. I pay more in land and school taxes than my parents do in Eastern Massachusetts. Mind you, they live in a significantly larger house in a good school district. There are other little things which also annoy me, like Yankees fans and the fact that the plumber I use has to be specifically licensed by the town I live in rather than the state, making home improvement projects more expensive.

So with all this whining, I should close with something positive. I'm happily married, i've got a beautiful little girl who will be 2 in a month and twin boys who will be born sometime in August. So if I'm cranky it's because I want to do right for them and not work crappy long hours for meager raises which don't keep up with the cost of living in this damn state.